How to Protect Your Plate and Your Peace With Extended Family
Navigating meals with extended family can feel overwhelming when you’re healing your relationship with food or recovering from an eating disorder. Family gatherings often come with comments, opinions, pressure, or expectations that can disrupt your peace. The good news? You can honor your recovery while still showing up in ways that feel grounded, connected, and safe.
Below are practical tips to help you protect both your plate and your peace—so food doesn’t take over your time with the people you care about.
Set Boundaries Before You Go
It’s okay to plan ahead. Let a trusted family member know what you’re comfortable with—and what you’re not.
Examples:
“I’m focusing on my recovery, so I’m not discussing food or my body today.”
“Please don’t comment on my plate. I’m eating what works for me right now.”
If speaking up feels too difficult, you can always make an agreement to yourself- “If food or body talk comes up, I’ll step away to take a breather.”
Setting expectations early reduces anxiety and prevents uncomfortable situations in the moment.
Identify Your Safe Person
Choose someone who knows your goals and can support you quietly. This person can:
Redirect conversations
Sit next to you during meals
Step outside with you if things feel overwhelming
Help advocate if comments you’re uncomfortable with arise
You don’t need to navigate triggering moments alone. Be sure to make sure your safe person knows your boundaries as well, so they can help you advocate for what’s best for you.
Have Go-To Responses Ready
You don’t have to justify your food choices. Having a few simple phrases prepared helps you shut down comments without conflict.
Examples:
“I’m good, thank you.”
“I’m listening to my body.”
“Let’s talk about something else.”
“I’d rather not discuss food today.”
These are all short, neutral, and clear. Feel free to add your own responses, and hold a firm boundary that you are not going to engage in this conversation.
Build a Plate That Supports Your Recovery
Stick to what you and your treatment team have planned. Forget the pressure to “eat more,” “eat less,” “try this,” or “skip that.” Thanksgiving or other celebratory meals are just another meal.
Your recovery plate matters more than anyone else’s opinion.
If you’re working with a dietitian, review your meal plan beforehand so you feel anchored going into the gathering. If you know what’s going to be served, you can make a plan together for what foods you’ll plate or try so you feel confident going into the gathering.
Notice Your Triggers and Have a Coping Strategy
Family meals can bring up:
Comparison
Body comments
Diet talk
Pressure to eat a certain way
Old family dynamics
Plan ahead for how you’ll cope. This could look like:
Deep breathing in the bathroom
A grounding exercise (5-4-3-2-1)
A mantra like “My recovery is worth protecting”
Taking a short walk outside
Texting a friend for support if needed
Bringing a fidget to the table that you can play with or squeeze as needed
Speaking positively to yourself and reminding yourself of your values and recovery work
Step Away When You Need To
You never have to stay in a conversation that harms your mental health. Excusing yourself is not rude—it’s responsible.
You can say:
“I’m going to grab some fresh air.”
“Excuse me for a second.”
“I’m going to refill my drink.”
“Does anyone else want something while I’m up?”
A 2–3 minute reset can make a huge difference.
Focus on Connection, Not the Menu
Try shifting your attention away from food and toward the people and the moments that are present:
Ask someone about their hobbies or work or upcoming travel plans
Listen to a family story
Play a game with kids
Help with non-food-related tasks like setting up or organizing
When you redirect your energy to connection, food becomes a smaller part of the night.
Debrief With Yourself After
Once you’re home, check in with your emotions:
What felt supportive?
What felt triggering?
What helped you cope?
What do you want to remember for next time?
What went well?
Reflection helps you build confidence and resilience, so you’ll feel better at the next gathering and know how to fortify yourself before, during, and after.
Final Thoughts
Protecting your plate and your peace is not selfish—it’s essential., especially for someone in eating disorder recovery. You are allowed to create space between yourself and anything that threatens your healing. Extended family gatherings can be complicated, but with preparation, boundaries, and support, you can show up in a way that is safe, empowered, and true to your recovery.
If navigating holiday meals and extended family gatherings feels overwhelming, you don’t have to manage it on your own. Our team of dietitians specializes in eating disorder recovery and can help you create a plan that feels safe, supportive, and personalized to your needs. Click here to book an appointment and take the next step in strengthening your relationship with food—especially during the holiday season.